7 Strategies for Parents Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Daughters

In our ongoing conversation about the complexities of mother-daughter relationships, this week we're tackling a particularly tricky subject that many of us encounter: passive-aggressive behavior in our teens.

Building on our previous discussion about supporting our daughters through passive-aggressive friendships, if you didn't get a chance to read last week's newsletter check out our blog post on The 5 Signs That Your Daughter Has A Passive Aggressive Friend.

Let's explore how these behaviors can emerge at home and what we can do to address them effectively.

What is Passive-Aggressive Behavior?

Passive-aggressive behavior is often a form of expressing anger or resentment indirectly. This can manifest through sarcasm, procrastination, or silent forms of resistance like the silent treatment or subtle sabotage. It's a sign that our teens may struggle with openly communicating their frustrations, often due to feelings of insecurity or an underdeveloped ability to manage their emotions.

Why Does It Happen?

The roots of passive-aggressive behavior in teens are often complex, intertwining issues like unresolved conflicts, feelings of being unheard, or even deeper issues such as anxiety or low self-esteem. These behaviors are their way of coping with feelings they can't yet articulate or manage effectively.

Signs to Watch For

• Sulking or withdrawal
• Monosyllabic or minimal responses in conversation
• Testing boundaries in indirect ways
• Making excuses for not completing tasks or blaming others for failures

Recognizing these signs early can help us intervene before these behaviors become ingrained patterns.

7 Strategies for Parents when their daughter is using passive aggressive behaviors at home.

Handling passive-aggressive behavior requires patience, understanding, and proactive strategies.

Here are some approaches that can help:

Look for Hidden Stressors: Stress from friendships, academic pressure, or changes in the family (such as a move or a new sibling) can trigger passive-aggressive behaviors. Ask questions that explore her school and social life to uncover any hidden stressors.

Observe Patterns: Start by noticing when your daughter tends to act passive-aggressively. Is it after school? After spending time with certain friends? These patterns can provide clues about the underlying issues.

Open Up a Conversation: Approach your daughter in a calm, non-judgmental way and ask open-ended questions. For example, “I’ve noticed you seem frustrated lately. Can you tell me more about what’s going on?” This can encourage her to share her feelings and allow you to identify the root cause.

Listen Without Interruption: When your daughter does start to talk, listen carefully without jumping in to offer solutions or advice immediately. Sometimes, the root cause can surface just by giving her space to speak.

Validate Her Feelings: Let your daughter know it’s okay to feel frustrated, hurt, or overwhelmed. Validating her emotions can help her open up more and help you understand what’s driving her behavior.

Set Clear Boundaries: It’s important to set and enforce clear boundaries regarding acceptable ways of expressing feelings. Explain why passive-aggressive behaviors are harmful and how they affect relationships.

Consider Professional Help: If passive-aggressive behaviors persist or begin to significantly impact your relationship with your daughter and her daily life and relationships, it might be time to seek help from a mental health professional. They can offer strategies tailored to your teen’s needs, helping to improve communication and develop healthier ways to handle conflicts

To further support your efforts in helping your daughter navigate and regulate her emotions, consider our How To Coach Yourself' workshop.

This concise, 13-minute recorded course is designed for parents and daughters to learn together. It provides vital self-coaching skills for managing thoughts and emotions effectively. Enroll now to quickly strengthen your bond and empower yourselves with tools that foster resilience and understanding during tough times.

You can also use the Feeling Wheel to help your daughter identify her different feelings and expand her emotional vocabulary.

Another tool that may help you is the Supporting Your Daughter Through Friendship Challenges Toolkit .

If your daughter is dealing with a mean friend, my most recent podcast may help her move forward. This is a great episode to listen to together in the car to help you support her. Or the perfect video to watch on YouTube. If you haven't subscribed to my YouTube Channel, please make sure that you do so that you will get all my new content. Subscribe to my podcast on Apple or Spotify so that you can listen to the most recent episode.

What Does It Mean to Be a Guest?
As a guest of The Brave Girl Tribe, your daughter will have the unique opportunity to join one of our live Sunday Zoom coaching sessions. She’ll get to experience our community firsthand, where girls in grades 5 through 8 come together to share their experiences, receive support, and learn valuable life skills.

We want every girl to feel comfortable, so there's no pressure to turn on her camera or speak up during the session—she can simply listen in and soak up the positive energy! Of course, if she feels inspired to participate, we’re here to welcome her with open arms. Either way, she'll be a valued part of our Brave Girl Tribe experience!

Warmly,

Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
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