7 ways to Help Your Daughter Handle Events with Frenemies

Have you ever watched your daughter hesitate before saying “yes” to a birthday party, school dance, or group hangout—not because she’s shy, but because she knows someone will be there who makes her feel uncomfortable?

Maybe it’s a former friend who’s suddenly gone cold, a group that’s subtly pushing her out, or a girl who’s friendly one moment and dismissive the next.

Middle and high school friendships can feel like a tightrope walk, especially when social circles shift and "frenemies"—those tricky in-between relationships—are involved.

As a parent, you might find yourself wondering:

• Should I encourage her to go?

• Would it be better to help her avoid the stress?

• What if she feels left out or ignored while she’s there?

The truth is, these social events can be overwhelming, but they can also be valuable opportunities for your daughter to practice confidence, communication, and self-trust.

Here are 7 thoughtful strategies to help your daughter feel more confident, in control, and supported.

1. Help Her Understand the “Why” Behind Social Hierarchies

Girls often blame themselves when friendships change, but the truth is, social groups shift all the time. Based on insights from Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, these dynamics are often shaped by power, influence, and the desire to belong.

💡 “Sometimes people pull others in or push them out because they want to feel powerful or secure—not because you did anything wrong.”

This insight helps your daughter step back and separate her worth from others’ actions.

2. Normalize the Discomfort of Social Shifts

If your daughter feels like she’s being edged out, remind her that this is a common (but painful) part of growing up. Instead of trying to fix it, help her reframe it.

🗣️ “It makes sense that this hurts—you care about your friendships! But sometimes friendship shifts make room for better connections.”

She can’t control group dynamics—but she can control how she reacts and where she puts her energy.

3. Equip Her with Confidence-Boosting Strategies

Before she walks into the event, help her mentally prepare:

✨ Body Language is Key – Standing tall and smiling can make her feel (and look) more confident.

✨ Plan an Exit Strategy – Create a code word she can text if she wants to leave. Knowing she has an out gives her a sense of control.

✨ Have a Go-To Activity – Whether it’s grabbing food, dancing, or chatting with a kind friend, having a plan helps her jump into the moment instead of waiting to be included.

4. Teach Her to Handle Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Relational aggression at events is common—eye rolls, subtle digs, or exclusion. These tools help her stay calm and in control:

✅ Indifference is Power – Calm, neutral responses can take the sting out of mean behavior.
✅ Short & Neutral Replies – Phrases like “Okay” or “Huh, interesting” keep her unshaken.
✅ Disarm with Kindness – Responding with, “Are you okay?” can stop mean girls in their tracks.

5. Talk Through Her Role & Expectations at the Event

Sometimes, just talking it out ahead of time makes a big difference. Ask her:

• What do you hope will happen at this event?

• What are you worried could happen?

• What kind of energy do you want to bring?

This helps her go in with intention, not just anxiety. Remind her: She’s there to enjoy herself—not to earn anyone’s approval.

6. Address Her Worries with the Worry Worksheet

If anxiety is building, walk her through my Worry Worksheet. It helps her:

🔸 Identify the root of her worry
🔸 See when fear is trying to run the show
🔸 Remember times she’s been brave before

💡 “I don’t have to control what others do—I just have to decide how I want to show up.”

[👉 Download the worksheet here.]

7. Remind Her That Social Confidence Builds Over Time

Every event is a chance to practice boundaries, confidence, and resilience. Even if things feel awkward, she’s learning skills that will serve her in high school, college, and beyond.

And remember: she doesn’t have to go to every event to prove something. If a certain group or event consistently makes her feel drained or anxious, it’s okay to step back and invest energy into friendships that feel mutual and uplifting.

For More Support:

💡 If your daughter struggles with friendship drama, our Beyond the Drama course will help you in supporting her through the ups and downs of her friendship challenges.

💡 Need help guiding your daughter through social anxiety? Download my free Worry Worksheet to help her challenge anxious thoughts and build confidence. Download now

✨ If your daughter is navigating friendship struggles or experiencing a dip in self-confidence, I invite you to explore our memberships. She’s welcome to join us as a guest for an upcoming call!

Choose the group that’s right for your daughter:

The Brave Girl Tribe (5th to 8th-grade): Meets every Sunday at 7 PM EST / 6 PM CST / 4 PM PST. Reminder that we are meeting tonight! Click here to have your daughter join as a guest.

High School Girls Support Group: Meets every other Sunday at 1 PM EST / 12 PM CST / 10 AM PST. We are meeting today and the following upcoming dates 3/30, 4/6. Click here to have your daughter join us as a guest.

✨ Remember you are not alone in this journey, and neither is your daughter.

Wishing you and your daughter the courage and confidence to step bravely into life.

Warmly,

Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]

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