The Art of Apologizing: 6 Key Steps to a Real Apology Every Girl Should Know
Feb 26, 2025
Last week in The Brave Girl Tribe, we had a heartfelt conversation about something surprisingly overlooked—how to apologize the right way. Most of the girls shared that they had never actually been taught how to make a proper apology!
This made me think of Dr. Kirk Honda from Psychology in Seattle, who has a fantastic breakdown of what makes an apology truly meaningful. A real apology isn’t just about saying “I’m sorry”—it’s about repairing trust and showing the other person that their feelings matter.
The 6 Key Parts of a Real Apology
Express remorse – Show genuine regret for your actions. A simple “I’m sorry” isn’t enough if it doesn’t come from the heart.
Take responsibility – Own what you did without making excuses. Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” isn’t an apology—it’s deflecting responsibility.
Recognize the impact – Acknowledge how your actions affected the other person. This step is key to making them feel heard and valued.
Offer to make it right – Ask, "Is there anything I can do to fix this?" Whether it's replacing something broken or simply giving space, actions speak louder than words.
Plan for change – Show that you’ve learned from the situation and explain how you’ll do better next time.
Ask for forgiveness (but don’t expect it right away) – Apologies are about making amends, not demanding forgiveness. Give the other person time to process.
Why Is It So Hard for Girls to Apologize to Their Friends?
During our discussion, many girls admitted that saying “I’m sorry” to a friend can feel really difficult. Why?
Fear of losing the friendship – Many girls worry that admitting they were wrong will make the friendship fall apart. Social belonging is a big deal at this age!
Not wanting to look weak – Apologizing requires vulnerability, which can be scary—especially if you're unsure how the other person will respond.
Worrying about blame – Sometimes, both friends share responsibility, and it can feel unfair to be the only one apologizing.
Pressure to be ‘perfect’ – Some girls see apologizing as admitting failure rather than as a chance to grow.
Indirect communication styles – Many girls are taught to avoid confrontation, so they might try to “smooth things over” instead of having a real conversation.
Past experiences – If a girl has apologized before and it led to drama or rejection, she might avoid doing it again.
A true friendship can handle an honest apology, and in fact, a well-done apology can make a friendship stronger. When we learn that mistakes don’t define us, we can move forward, knowing that relationships grow through honesty, not fear of conflict.
What to Avoid in an Apology
The Non-Apology: Saying "I'm sorry, but..." instantly weakens your apology. Being Vague: "I'm sorry for whatever I did" isn't enough. Be specific. Holding Onto Shame: You don’t have to beat yourself up forever. Learn from it, and then let it go.
Everyone makes mistakes. The most important thing is what we do next. A sincere apology shows maturity, strengthens friendships, and allows you to move forward without carrying guilt.
If your daughter struggles with friendship challenges, The Brave Girl Tribe and The High School Girls Support Group are here to support her. These groups cover a variety of topics that impact girls today, providing a safe and encouraging space to build confidence, navigate friendships, and develop problem-solving skills.
Both groups are monthly memberships with no long-term commitment—you can cancel anytime. If your daughter would like to try a session as a guest, we'd love to have her join us!
Click here for your daughter to be a guest in The Brave Girl Tribe tonight at 7:00 PM EST / 6:00 PM CST / 4:00 PM PST.
Click here if you have a high schooler who would like to be a guest in our next High School Girls Support Group every other Sunday, at 1:00 PM EST / 12:00 PM CST / 10:00 AM PST.
For Parents: If your daughter's friendship struggles are taking a toll on you, I have the perfect resource—Beyond the Drama: Supporting Your Daughter Through Friendship Challenges.
This course provides practical tools and strategies to help you guide your daughter through social struggles without getting emotionally drained yourself.
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