Balancing Each Child's Unique Needs Tips for Parents with Multiple Teens ‌ ‌

Do you have multiple teenagers living in your house?

If you do have multiple teenagers  I admire you and I'm scared to even ask how many hours you spend in your car each week just driving your kids to all of their activities.

It is so hard dividing our time and attention equally when we have multiple children and when each child has their own set of activities and needs, it can feel like a constant juggling act. I know the busyness of life and the running around can leave us wondering if we’re truly able to make each of our children feel loved and supported.

I was recently reminded of this during a conversation with a dear friend, Ella. She shared a story that many of us can relate to. Ella’s sister, Kim, faced a scheduling conflict: she couldn't attend her daughter Emma’s field hockey game because she was already committed to supporting her son at his football game. Determined to ensure that both her children felt supported, Kim asked Ella to step in and cheer for Emma at her field hockey game. This thoughtful arrangement ensured that Emma still had a family presence at her game, showing that even when we can’t physically be in two places at once, there are ways to ensure our children know they are supported and cherished.

I know that as a parent, it’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of life. Recently, with the end of the grading quarter and my son having five days off from school, I realized how much I had been focused on the to-do’s associated with having a high school senior. These days off provided a much-needed opportunity for my son and me to connect. We had the chance to chat and shift our focus from the constant tasks to more on his emotional world. This shift reminded me of the importance of tuning into each child’s unique emotional needs.

Research, including insights from Dr. Catherine Conger, reinforces this understanding by showing us that children within the same family can perceive our actions and affection in different ways, shaped by their distinct personalities and life experiences. This diversity means our parenting approach needs to be as flexible and responsive as the individual needs of each child.

Here’s how we can better tune in to each of our children’s individual worlds:

Avoid Comparisons: It’s tempting to measure siblings against one another, but this can foster sensitivity and rivalry. Celebrating each child’s unique strengths and successes helps build their self-esteem and reduces feelings of competition.

Show Attention Beyond Material Gifts: While gifts are appreciated, they can't replace the value of quality time. A recent study revealed a striking gap between teens' experiences and parents' perceptions: only a minority of adolescents aged 12-17 reported consistently receiving the social and emotional support they need, while a large percentage of parents incorrectly believed their children always had this support. This highlights how crucial it is to spend even 10-15 minutes of focused, undistracted time with each child daily. Such interactions can strengthen your bond more than the most expensive gift and ensure that your children truly feel supported and understood.

Understand Their Love Languages: Dr. Gary Chapman suggests that everyone has a preferred way to give and receive love, whether it’s words of affirmation, quality time, or something else. Discover how each of your children feels most loved and use that knowledge to connect deeply with them. Consider taking the Love Language Quiz together as a family to learn more about how to best communicate your affection.

Reflect and Seek Feedback: Teens might not always say what they need outright. Encouraging open dialogue by asking questions like:

• Do you feel like you have enough support from me or other family members?
• When you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed, what helps you feel better?
• Are there specific ways I can support you better during tough times?
• What’s one thing you wish you had more time for?
• What’s your favorite song right now, and what does it make you think or feel?
• Is there a question that I should ask you but haven't?

Engaging in open and honest conversations can reveal a lot about your children’s needs and help you support them more effectively. It's also important to remember that even as they grow into their teenage years, our children still need physical signs of affection.

Numerous studies have shown that physical touch, such as hugs, can significantly boost the mood and self-esteem of teenagers. This form of connection is especially crucial during adolescence—a time when they might seem to pull away but actually still need the comforting assurance that comes from a simple, loving touch. Make it a point to include appropriate physical affection in your daily interactions, ensuring your teens feel loved and secure.

Recognizing and addressing the individual emotional needs of our teens is crucial, but it's equally important to provide them with a supportive community where they can openly share and discuss the challenges they face as they grow up.

I'm thrilled to introduce our new bi-weekly Support Group for High School Girls—a safe space where your daughters can explore their feelings, connect with peers facing similar experiences, and receive guidance tailored to the unique trials of high school life. Here, they’ll find a welcoming environment that encourages open communication, mutual support, and personal growth.

Join Us Every Other Sunday!
Our group meets bi-weekly on Sunday afternoons via Zoom. Your daughter can join from the comfort of home, and she doesn’t need to turn on her camera if she prefers.

Interested in learning more or signing up? Click here to RSVP and receive the Zoom link.

Let’s not forget about The Brave Girl Tribe Community! If your daughter is in 5th to 8th grade, encourage her to join our online group focused on friendships, self-confidence, and managing the stressors of growing up. This ongoing community provides a safe, welcoming space where middle schoolers can connect, gain support, and grow alongside peers facing similar challenges.

We’d love for your daughter to be our next guest on a Sunday call. Simply click here to register her and let her experience the encouragement and friendship of The Brave Girl Tribe.

For More Support: Survive and Thrive in Middle School Course

Strengthen your bond with your daughter as you navigate middle school together with Survive and Thrive in Middle School. This course equips both of you with essential tools to foster resilience, boost confidence, and face the challenges of middle school with support and understanding.

When you enroll, you’ll gain access to a wealth of resources, including:

• A Parent Section with video lessons and PDFs
• A Daughter Section with tailored video lessons and PDFs
• A dedicated Q&A section addressing everyday middle school challenges

With lifetime access, you’ll continue to benefit from updates and new content, making this an investment in shared growth and long-term success.

Whether your daughter is preparing for middle school or already navigating its halls, this course offers practical solutions to common struggles. Start this empowering journey together and watch her confidence and resilience grow. Enroll now and give her the support she needs to thrive!

Additional Resources on our Tool/Resources page Click Here

Warmly,

Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]
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