Teaching Your Daughter to Respond to Mean Behavior with Confidence

Is your daughter struggling with a mean or disrespectful friend in her group?

Many girls I work with in coaching share this same challenge. It's heartbreaking to see how deeply it affects them, especially within their friendships.

Together, we explore why some people behave this way and, most importantly, how your daughter can respond with confidence and strength. By learning these skills, she can take back control of the situation and feel more empowered in her relationships.

When someone is mean or intentionally condescending, their goal is often to get an emotional reaction. They feel powerful when they provoke a response from others, and that reaction gives them the control they want.

Encouraging your daughter to recognize this can be a game-changer. Instead of reacting emotionally—whether by defending herself or becoming apologetic— Use these 6 steps

1. Pause Before Reacting: The first thing your daughter can do when someone is mean or condescending. By delaying her response, she's not giving them the emotional reaction they're seeking, and this puts her in a better position of power.

2. Stay Calm and Neutral: Remaining calm and using a neutral tone shows control. When your daughter keeps her emotions in check, she doesn't let the other person “win” by making her upset or defensive.

3. Ask Questions Instead of Defending: Encourage your daughter to respond with questions like, “What do you mean by that?” or “I’m not sure I understand.” This makes the person question their own behavior without escalating the situation, and it keeps your daughter fully in control.

4. Avoid Overreacting: Often, when someone is being condescending, our instinct is to defend ourselves or explain why they’re wrong. But reacting too quickly can lead to over-apologizing or giving away control. Instead, she should stay composed and avoid apologizing unnecessarily.

5. Address Issues Privately: If the behavior continues, it’s always best to talk to the person privately rather than in front of others. This shows respect and maturity, and it allows for a more open, honest conversation.

6. Be Direct, But Respectful: She can say something like, “Was it your intention to upset me? Because what happened really hurt me.” This gives her authority in the conversation without being confrontational

Remind your daughter that true power doesn’t come from controlling others, but from controlling her own responses.

I recently had a parent reach out with a concern about their teenage daughter facing insults from one of her close friends within a group. Here's some advice that could help:

1. Model Conflict Resolution: Share stories of how you’ve navigated difficult relationships in your life. By modeling how to handle conflict in a healthy way, your daughter can learn from real-world examples that feel relatable.

2. Teach Emotional Self-Regulation: Sometimes it's about managing her own emotional response to hurtful behavior. Teach your daughter mindfulness or breathing exercises to help her stay calm and grounded when dealing with friendship conflicts.

3. Encourage Journaling: Writing down thoughts and feelings can be a powerful way for your daughter to process her emotions. Encourage her to keep a journal where she can reflect on her experiences and gain clarity.

4. Role-Playing Scenarios: Help her practice how to respond to difficult situations by role-playing conversations she might have with her friend. This can build her confidence and provide her with a safe space to explore different approaches.

5. Explore Values-Based Friendships: Encourage your daughter to reflect on the qualities she values most in friendships. This self-awareness can guide her in making healthier friendship choices and focusing on relationships that align with her values.

6. Help Build Her Self-Worth: When your daughter has strong self-worth, she’s less likely to tolerate hurtful behavior from others. Encourage activities that build her confidence, such as pursuing hobbies, engaging in sports, or developing new skills.

7. Encourage Community Involvement: Encourage her to get involved in group activities, clubs, or causes where she can meet new people and build friendships based on shared interests. This can widen her social circle and help her find supportive peers.

Additional Resources on our Tool/Resources page Click Here

To help support both you and your daughter, here are some resources you may find helpful:

• How To Coach Yourself Workshop- this is a quick course that teaches a very powerful strategy that will have your daughter handling her difficult situations with confidence. Plus this is a short and sweet course that the two of you can do in less than 30 minutes, but with a strategy you both can use for the rest of your life. Click here to get this for only $20 Dollars. If you are a teacher or a school counselor this may be just what you need for your students.
• Why Is My Friend So Mean Podcast: In this episode I explore the social, emotional, and developmental reasons why your friend is being mean. Learn the toxic friendship signs you need to be on the lookout for and the two tools that will help support your daughter. This is the perfect podcast to listen to with your daughter. You can watch it on YouTube.
• How To Have A Difficult Conversation Workbook: Your daughter may worry about talking to her friend or sharing how she truly feels. Help her step confidently into having a difficult conversation with her friend by downloading this free tool. Download now
• Worry Worksheet and Video: A helpful tool to process feelings of worry or anxiety that may show up in your daughters friendships. Download now
• The Brave Girl Tribe Community: If your daughter is in 5th to 8th grade encourage her to join our online group that focuses on friendships, self-confidence, and handling the stressors of growing up. We would love for your daughter to be our next guest on a Sunday call. Simply click here to register your daughter. 
• The High School Group for Girls: I’m excited to announce the launch of a new support group for high school girls! To kick things off, I’m hosting a special Friendship Workshop on Sunday, November 10th, at 1:00 PM. EST. During this session, we’ll dive into some key aspects of navigating friendships in high school, such as handling drama, building supportive relationships, and setting boundaries.

  This is a great opportunity for your daughter to learn valuable skills and get a feel for what our group will be about. If you are interested in having your daughter participate please click here to stay in the loop and get the special Zoom link.

  Warmly,

  Laura Hayes
  Founder of The Brave Girl Project
  Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
  www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
  [email protected]

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