Navigating Through Friendship Breakups, Rising Above Affirmations!

It can be so hard for our daughters to navigate through the ending of a friendship.

Recently, a client shared her struggles with the ending of a friendship. This young girl finds herself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions: grief, anger, frustration, and confusion, all while sharing a classroom with someone she once called her best friend (If your daughter is feeling intense emotions but has a hard time naming them, download my Feeling Wheel - (Download now.)

Each day brings challenges for my client, from interpreting sidelong glances to understanding the shifting dynamics of recess alliances. It's as if an invisible line has been drawn in the classroom, dividing former friends and compelling my client to feel she must rally others to her side in a silent battle for companionship.

Similarly, many teens experience the fallout of friendships within their broader social circles, leaving them to navigate the delicate balance of still being in a larger group with someone they are no longer on good terms with.

The question then arises: How do we help our daughters manage their emotions and interactions in such close quarters with those they've been hurt by or have grown apart from?

With my young client, we leaned into her love of horses to help us address this. We talked about how horses wear blinders. These blinders aren't meant to completely shut out the world but rather to help the horse maintain focus on the path ahead, avoiding distractions that could deter their progress.

This analogy doesn't suggest ignorance of the situation; instead, it's about moving forward with purpose and without fear, concentrating on one's own journey rather than the noise around.

My client is looking now at how she can put her blinders on while still being a respectful classmate. This will require self-control and managing her emotions while also understanding that she doesn't have control over the other person and their choices. Wearing your blinders is like deciding where you put your attention.

It is important for all of us to remember that friendships shift and change as we shift and change.

It can be very upsetting when a friendship ends, but the reality for my school-age friend is that they may become friends again. Maturity and different friendship group dynamics can make room for friends to find one another again. This happens frequently for my friends in elementary and middle school.

 Here are some tips to deal with a friendship breakup:

1. Focus on Yourself: Redirect your attention to your own feelings and needs, rather than dwelling on the past friendship.

2. Set Boundaries: Determine what level of interaction feels comfortable for you and communicate that respectfully.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it's okay to feel a range of emotions about the situation.

4. Engage in Activities You Enjoy: Surround yourself with positive experiences and people who uplift you.

5. Talk to Someone: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor for support and perspective.

6. Limit Social Media Exposure: Minimize exposure to the former friend's posts to reduce triggers and negative feelings.

Tips to help you manage when you have to be around your ex-friend:

Be Mindful of Staring: Instead of staring or avoiding eye contact, glance briefly and then focus on something else.

Keep Your Story Private: While talking to a trusted adult or friend is okay, avoid sharing details about the friendship break-up with everyone.

Maintain a Friendly Expression: Smile or keep a neutral expression when you see the other person, even if you don't feel like it inside.

Avoid Intentional Ignoring: While keeping your distance is okay, don't purposefully ignore or snub the person, especially if you are in a class together or out with other friends and this ex-friend is part of the group.

Watch Your Body Language: Keep your body language open and relaxed rather than closed off or defensive.

Focus on Your Friends: Spend time with friends who support you and make you feel good about yourself. If you feel that you don't have a group of friends, start looking for other people to get to know.

Engage in Activities: Stay involved in activities you enjoy, which can help take your mind off the situation.

Take Deep Breaths: If you start feeling upset, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down.

Use Self-Talk Affirmations to help you when you feel hurt, stressed, or anxious around another person. Download our Rising Above: Affirmations for Navigating Friendship Changes. Download now

 Tips for Parents in Supporting Your Daughter:

1. It is important to listen without jumping to advice or judgments.

2. Validate your daughter's experience and feelings. This is important because, during her friendship breakup, she may have felt misunderstood by one of the people she felt closest to.

3. Manage your emotional reaction and any negative talk or commentary about the ex-friend.

4. When your daughter is calm, ask if she wants to brainstorm ways to help support herself in this friendship.

5. If the breakup escalates into harassment or relational aggression, your daughter and you may need to communicate with the school.

Resources:

If you have concerns that your daughter is experiencing friendship drama, you and your daughter should listen to my two podcasts on Relational Aggression.

 Rising Above Affirmations for Navigating Friendship Changes PDF- Download now. Affirmations can be a gentle reminder of your daughter's inner strength and resilience and the importance of focusing on her personal journey, much like the horse with blinders moving confidently and purposefully forward.

If your daughter is navigating the complexities of friendships and is currently in 5th to 8th grade, we invite her to join The Brave Girl Tribe. Our weekly coaching group delves into topics ranging from navigating friendships to boosting confidence. We're dedicated to supporting young girls through their unique challenges and fostering a community of strength and empowerment. Your daughter can try this out by being our guest for our session on any Sunday at 7 pm EST/ 6 pm CST/ 4 pm PST. Send me an email, and I will send you the Zoom link. If you want to schedule a chat to discuss the challenges your daughter is facing, visit my calendar to schedule a complimentary chat.

Warmly,
Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]
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