Tips and Tools for Raising Confident Girls

 In our ongoing discussions within The Brave Girl Tribe, our vibrant community for girls in 5th to 8th grade, a popular topic has emerged—building confidence in uncomfortable situations.

Our members shared stories about times they felt out of place or nervous, sparking a meaningful conversation and a desire to learn to be more confident when uncomfortable.

We all feel awkward or intimidated, especially in unfamiliar situations or around people we don’t know well. Our worry tries to protect us, making us crave comfort and predictability. When life becomes uncertain, this worry can make us uncomfortable and shake our confidence.

As parents and educators supporting girls, it's crucial to understand the challenges they face. Research on tween and teen girls has revealed several key insights about building confidence.

Here are the realities for our girls:

Studies show that girls' confidence levels drop significantly, with a 30% decrease between ages 8 and 14.
Between their tween and teen years, girls' belief that other people like them falls from 71% to 38% — a 46% drop.
The effects of this confidence drop can be long-lasting. For many young women, the confidence gap that opens during this period rarely closes completely on its own.
While the research suggests that confidence levels often don't automatically return to previous levels, it also indicates that confidence can be encouraged, nurtured, and even created during these turbulent years.

Here are some of the reasons why our daughters experience such a dip in their confidence.

1. Biological changes during puberty, including increased estrogen, can heighten emotional intelligence but also increase caution.
2. Cultural and societal pressures to be perfect and avoid risks.
3. Increased use of social media, which can negatively impact self-esteem.

Based on the research, here are some practical activities to help you boost your daughter's confidence.

Encourage risk-taking and embracing failure: Help your daughter understand that failure is a normal part of learning and growth.
Promote a growth mindset: Teach your daughter that her abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning.
Provide opportunities to try new things: Exposure to diverse experiences helps your daughter discover her strengths and interests.
Praise effort over outcomes: Focus on recognizing hard work and persistence rather than just results.
Model your confidence by sharing positive self-talk with your daughter to help her see what makes you feel confident.
Help your daughter develop practical skills to achieve goals and experience success.
Encourage assertiveness by teaching clear and persuasive communication techniques.
Practice self-compassion with yourself and help teach your daughter to be kind to herself when things don't go as planned.
Foster social connections and encourage positive peer relationships. If your daughter needs extra help with social skills, provide guidance on these.
Discuss limiting social media use. Discuss with your daughter the potential negative impact social media can have on her self-esteem and confidence.

Here are some of my favorite books I recommend to clients working hard to build their confidence.

The Confidence Code for Girls Journal: A Guide to Embracing Your Amazingly Imperfect, Totally Powerful Self by The Confidence Code for Girls Journal: A Guide to Embracing Your Amazingly Imperfect, Totally Powerful Self by Katty Kay, Claire Shipman, and JillEllyn Riley Click Here

The Confidence Code for Girls: Taking Risks, Messing Up, & Becoming Your Amazingly Imperfect, Totally Powerful Self by Katty Kay, Claire Shipman, and JillEllyn Riley Click Here

The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens: CBT and ACT Skills to Help You Build Social Confidence by Jennifer Shannon, LMFT Click Here

The Self-Esteem Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Build Confidence and Achieve Your Goals by Lisa M. Schab LCSW Click Here

Explore More Resources on The Brave Girl Project Website

Discover a variety of tools and resources tailored for you and your daughter on our course page at The Brave Girl Project website. Dive in to find additional support that could be instrumental in navigating this summer's friendship challenges. Take a look and see what else might be helpful for you both! Click Here to access the course page.

Warmly,

Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]
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