Suicide Prevention for Parents

This past Saturday, my son Logan and I participated in The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Community Walk in Washington, DC.

In 2008, my family suffered a tremendous loss when we lost my father to suicide. Since then, my sisters and I have made it our mission to raise awareness and reduce the stigma surrounding mental health. My sister, Sarah Kurtz, chaired this year’s DC walk, and I couldn’t be prouder of the work she’s done.

Through this journey, I’ve learned just how critical it is to have open conversations about mental health, especially when it comes to our children and teens.

One of the greatest challenges in addressing mental health is the stigma that surrounds it. Many children and teens feel isolated and afraid to speak up about their feelings. By fostering open conversations, we can help normalize these discussions and ensure they feel safe to reach out for help.

It’s important to be aware of changes in your child’s behavior, especially if they are linked to a painful event, loss, or significant life change.

Many individuals who take their own lives show one or more warning signs, either through their words, actions, or mood. Here are some signs to watch for, based on resources from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

What They Say If a person is talking about any of the following, it could indicate they are at risk of suicide:

• Killing themselves or expressing thoughts about ending their life
• Feeling hopeless or saying things like, "I don’t see a way out"
• Having no reason to live or questioning their purpose
• Being a burden to others
• Feeling trapped, as if there’s no way out of a difficult situation
• Experiencing unbearable pain, whether physical or emotional
  Examples: Listen for statements like, 'I can’t do this anymore,' 'I wish I wasn’t here,' or 'Everyone would be better off without me.' While these statements can be subtle, they are often cries for help.
  
  

Watch for behaviors that are unusual or out of character, especially if they relate to a painful event, loss, or major change:

• Increased use of alcohol or drugs
• Looking for ways to end their life, such as searching online for methods or acquiring means
• Withdrawing from activities they used to enjoy
• Isolating from family and friends, pulling away from social connections
• Changes in sleep patterns, whether sleeping too much or too little
• Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
• Giving away prized possessions
• Increased aggression or sudden irritability
• Fatigue and loss of energy

People considering suicide often exhibit one or more of the following moods:

• Depression and persistent sadness
• Anxiety or overwhelming worry
• Loss of interest in things they once cared about
• Irritability or frustration with seemingly small things
• Feelings of humiliation or shame, which may not always be expressed verbally
• Agitation or increased anger
• Relief or sudden improvement after a period of deep depression, which can sometimes indicate they’ve made a decision to end their life

How can I tell if my child is behaving like a normal teenager or if there might be something wrong?
It sometimes can be hard to discern if what your child is experiencing is normal teen behaviors or signs of a mental health concern. Remember, you know your child best and if you notice any of the warning signs above, or indications of hopelessness or worthlessness, withdrawing from their friends and activities or they express suicidal thinking or behaviors- these are not normal teenage behaviors.

If you have a concern about your child the most important thing you can do is have a conversation with them. Even simply asking "Are you okay?". Then listen to them carefully and without judgement. Ask open ended questions and DO NOT OFFER QUICK FIXES or solutions to their challenges. This will shut them down and invalidate their experiences and feelings.

It can be incredibly scary when our children share that they are struggling, especially when they express thoughts of suicide. However, staying calm and offering unconditional support is one of the most important things we can do as parents in these moments.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) provides a helpful resource called Talk Away the Dark - #RealConvoGuide, which gives clear steps on how to talk to someone who may be thinking about suicide. Here are some key takeaways on how to have these important conversations:

Let them know you’re listening
Express that you’re grateful they trust you enough to share their feelings. For example, you might say, “I’m so glad you’re telling me what’s been going on and how you’re feeling.”
Offer your support unconditionally
Reassure them that they’re not alone and that your love is unwavering. Phrases like “I’m here with you,” and “I love you no matter what, and we’ll get through this together,” can provide comfort during a time of intense vulnerability.
Encourage them to keep talking, and really listen
Ask open-ended questions and encourage them to share more about what they’re going through. “That sounds like such a tough situation. Can you tell me more about it?” or “What else has been on your mind?”
Explore any changes in their life and how they’re coping
Gently ask about when these feelings started and how they’ve been managing. This can help you understand the scope of their struggle. “When did you first start feeling this way?” or “How have you been coping with everything?”
Be direct if you suspect they’re thinking of suicide
It’s crucial not to shy away from asking about suicide directly if you’re concerned. Research shows that asking about suicide won’t plant the idea in their mind but can instead provide relief and show that you’re taking their feelings seriously. You might say, “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” or “Does it ever feel so overwhelming that you think about ending your life?”
What to do if they confirm they’re thinking about suicide
Stay calm. Just because someone has thoughts of suicide doesn’t always mean they’re in immediate danger. Take the time to listen carefully and ask follow-up questions to better understand their experience. For example, “How often do you have these thoughts?” or “When things feel really bad, what do you usually do?” You can also ask, “What scares you most about these thoughts?” and “What would help you feel safe right now?”

Reassure them that there is help available and that their feelings are a signal that it's time to talk to a mental health professional. If they are in a crisis situation, call 988 for the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or text the Crisis Text Line by texting 'TALK' to 741741 to speak or text with a trained counselor who can provide guidance on the most appropriate next steps and resources. For help finding a Mental Health Professional, you can consult with your child's pediatrician, call your insurance, or AFSP has a treatment finder.

One of the most impactful steps parents can take is to share suicide warning signs with their teens. Teens often turn to their friends first when they’re struggling, making it crucial that they understand the importance of taking any signs of suicidal thoughts seriously and knowing when to reach out for adult support.

Teens are not equipped to manage these situations alone, and it’s vital that they feel empowered to share any concerns about a friend’s safety with an adult. As a school counselor, I’ve had numerous students confide that a classmate had previously expressed suicidal thoughts to them, yet they hadn’t told anyone. This hesitation can be dangerous, as our children and teens may feel uncertain about how to handle such heavy information.

I’m deeply grateful that my own son recognized the importance of reaching out to me when his friend texted him a farewell message. Because he took his friend’s words seriously and sought my help, we were able to bring his friend safely to our home and get the support he needed. I worry that many teens might hold onto this kind of information, unsure of what to do.

Here are some steps you can take as a parent to help your teen feel comfortable sharing concerns about a friend:

• Regularly ask how their friends are doing and if there’s anything they’re worried about.
• Encourage them to take all signs seriously if a friend expresses hopelessness or mentions suicide,  reassure them that sharing these concerns with you or another trusted adult is the right thing to do.
• Build relationships with their friends whenever possible. This will create a foundation of trust, helping both your child and their friends feel safe reaching out if they need help.

By fostering open conversations about mental health and empowering our teens to reach out, we can support them in handling these complex situations and help ensure their friends get the support they need.

Below are some short videos from AFSP that I encourage you to watch. This will only take a few minutes to get through all of them but this information is so important.

• Please see this video at the bottom of this page on AFSP's website. The cover image is of a man in a grey suit.
• An important video for parents of LGBTQ Youth.
• Learning More About Suicide: Don't Be Afraid to Ask shares that the best way to keep a teenager from killing themselves is to ask directly, "Are you thinking of killing yourself?"
• Teens, Drinking & Suicide explores the strong connection between regular teen alcohol use and suicidality.

Suicide Prevention Resources

Find resources for suicide prevention for you or someone you know. There are additional resources for supporting divers communities, the LGBTQ community, and the military as well.

If you are in an emergency situation always call 911.

If you or a loved one are in crisis, please call Crisis Services at 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or 988LifeLine.org

Please make sure that you and your child have these numbers saved in your contacts in case you, your child or their friend ever needs it!

Crisis Text Line
text TALK to 741-741

A booklet to support Children, Teens and Suicide Loss. I highly recommend that if you are a school counselor or educator that you download this to have as a resource for your students and their families.
Books for suicide loss survivors.
How To Talk To A Suicide Loss Survivor
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is Saturday, November 23, 2024. The International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is an event in which survivors of suicide loss come together to find connection, understanding, and hope through their shared experience. You can learn more about this and attend a virtual or in person event by clicking here to learn more.
The Dougy Center, The National Center for Grieving Children & Their Families. This is an amazing site with lots of resources for families experiencing all types of losses. Every educator needs to have this resource saved in their Favorites!
If you also have been impacted by suicide or struggle with feelings of suicide, please know that you are not alone. If would like to share your story with me I would be honored.

If you would like to donate to support the work that The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention does you can donate on their website , participate in a fundraising walk like me, or you can donate to my fundraising page.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog. I know that this topic can feel heavy, but when we open up and talk about Mental Health and Suicide we reduce the stigma surrounding both and in doing that we are saving lives.

Warmly,

Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]
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