The Sting of a College Rejection Letter: Support for Parents and Teens

December is a month full of excitement, anticipation, and, for many high school seniors, ANXIETY.

For students who applied to colleges for early action or early decision, December 15th is a pivotal date when many colleges send out their admissions decisions. This year, as I walk through this process with my son—also a senior—I’m acutely aware of how these moments can shape not only the future but also the present emotional well-being of our children.

For many students, the college application process is an all-consuming journey: A carefully curated portfolio of advanced classes, extracurricular activities, volunteer work, and countless hours of preparation. So, when the time comes to open that letter or email from their dream school, it feels like everything hinges on the outcome. The stakes feel high, and for many girls, this process is even more emotionally charged.

But what happens if the letter says "NO"?

The sting of a college rejection can feel devastating, especially when students are already seeing classmates post excited acceptance videos on social media. Some may even be celebrating getting into their dream school, perhaps alongside a friend. This can be a tough moment for any teen, and as parents, it's natural to feel worried about how to help them navigate the emotional rollercoaster.

I know that many of my high school clients are anxiously awaiting their decisions. This topic will be a big part of our next High School Support Group Call, and I wanted to share some strategies here for helping your daughter through this challenging time.

Tips to Help Your Daughter (and You) Survive a College Rejection Letter

Validate Her Feelings: The first step is to acknowledge how she’s feeling. A college rejection, no matter how much she "prepared" herself for it, can still sting. Avoid jumping into solutions or silver linings too quickly. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is listen and let her feel what she feels. Harlan Cohen, a college admissions expert and author of The Naked Roommate, reminds us that “No one can take away the sting of rejection, but they can help you understand that one rejection is not the end of the road.” Rejection doesn’t define your daughter’s potential. It’s just one step in a much larger journey.

1. Reframe the Narrative: A rejection letter doesn’t reflect her worth or abilities. In fact, it’s important to help her reframe the rejection as part of a larger, more complex picture. While it’s natural to feel like a rejection is a personal failure, it often has more to do with the competitive nature of admissions than her capabilities as a student.                                                    In The Truth About College Admissions, authors Brennan Barnard and Rick Clark emphasize that “college admissions decisions are about fit, not just academic achievement. A rejection letter simply means that this school wasn’t the right fit—not that your daughter isn’t worthy of success.
2. Remind Her of Her Strengths: A rejection letter doesn’t erase all of the hard work your daughter has put into high school. Remind her of the qualities that make her a great student and person. Celebrate the resilience she’s shown throughout the application process, from choosing which schools to apply to, to persevering through the stress and uncertainty.          As a parent you may want to encourage her to continue cultivating her interests, talents, and passions. Rejection doesn't cancel out her potential or invalidate everything she's accomplished.

3. Focus on the Bigger Picture: Sometimes a rejection letter is a blessing in disguise. Many students who face initial rejections eventually find schools that are an even better fit for them, whether academically, socially, or emotionally. It’s important for both you and your daughter to keep an open mind about the opportunities that are still ahead.

   Harlan Cohen puts it best: "You’re going to be okay, no matter where you end up. College is just one piece of the puzzle, and it’s not the only way to achieve success."

4. Create a Plan B (and Plan C): If the rejection is from a dream school, it may be helpful to have a backup plan in place. This can take some of the anxiety out of the process and remind your daughter that there are multiple paths to success. Encourage her to look at schools that might not have been on her radar initially but could provide an equally enriching college experience.

   It’s also a great time to think about other options, like applying to regular decision deadlines or considering a gap year if she's feeling overwhelmed. Remember, there is no “one right way” to get to where she wants to go.

5. Emphasize the Power of Resilience: Finally, remind her that setbacks are a natural part of life and that resilience is a vital skill that will serve her well beyond the college admissions process. Sometimes, the most important lessons come from adversity. As a parent, you can model resilience by staying calm, supportive, and optimistic about what comes next.

   As Brennan Barnard and Rick Clark also note: “The best students are those who embrace the bumps in the road and bounce back even stronger.”

A Final Thought:

It’s easy for your daughter to feel like a college rejection is the end of a dream, but in reality, it’s often just the beginning of a new and unexpected path. Support, encouragement, and a healthy perspective from you can make all the difference in how she handles this moment and moves forward.

I encourage all parents, especially those of daughters, to acknowledge the emotional weight of this time. A rejection doesn’t define their worth—it’s just a small part of a much larger and ever-unfolding story. Be patient, listen, and help your daughter see that there are many wonderful, unique paths to success.

Brave Girl High School Support Group Be Our Guest!

We meet every other Sunday to support high school girls navigating friendships, academics, and future planning.

Join us for our next meeting and become part of our supportive community.
Time: 1:00 pm EST / 12:00 pm CST / 10:00 am PST

Click here for info on the next date

We look forward to welcoming you and your daughter!

Not Quite Ready for College Applications?

Even if college applications feel a bit down the road, now is the perfect time to start building a strong foundation for success. Early preparation for standardized tests like the SAT and ACT can make a significant difference, setting your child up for confidence and achievement when it matters most.

For expert support, check out The Brave Girl Projects former guest speaker, Steve Feldman and his team at Private Prep. They specialize in helping students thrive with test prep, tutoring, and college admissions guidance. Their proven approach not only boosts test scores but also equips students with the skills to excel in high school, college, and beyond.

Click here to learn more about Private Prep.

Set your child up for success—starting today!

Warmly,

Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]
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