Friendship Loss and New Beginnings: How To Support Your Daughter
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[00:00:00] If your daughter is experiencing a friendship loss or is needing to make new connections and new friendships, this podcast is for the two of you.
Hi, brave friends. My name is Laura Hayes, I'm the founder of the brave girl project. I am a school counselor and life coach that supports tween and teen girls and their parents in developing the skills they need to live life bravely. Oftentimes,
our daughters may find themselves needing to make new connections because they've experienced a friendship loss, changes in their friendship connections or their social circle.~ Oftentimes, our daughters find themselves looking for new connections because they have experienced rejection from their current friend ~
I know these feelings of loneliness can grow and be impacted when our daughters are surrounded by other people she sees that are connected to one another.
It can intensify your daughter's feelings of disconnect and loneliness.
One important thing to remember is that even though it [00:01:00] may look like other people are connected and close, we don't know how people feel on the inside.
~ One thing to remember is that we don't know the inner experiences of the people around us. , there may be other students that look connected and that they have close friendships, but inside they may feel lonely. ~ 2022 Headspace National Youth Mental Health Survey found that 62 percent of young people aged 12 to 25 feel left out often,
or some of the time. So if your daughter is feeling lonely or feeling that she doesn't have the friends she wants to have, she is not alone in her experience.
When a relationship fades or there is a change. Grief is going to be a real experience and it takes time to work through these experiences.
Your daughter may even find herself constantly replaying moments and wondering what went wrong or feeling hurt that someone she cared about has moved on. And this is especially hard for your daughter, because most likely she continues to see these people at school or on social media.
It is normal to have feelings of sadness, confusion, or even [00:02:00] regret. Wondering if there's something that you could have done differently in your relationship. And I also have other girls who really feel that they've not had the friendships that they've wanted to have.
They haven't had the close friend, and they feel very disconnected from the social life in their school, realizing that they're really not a part of a group.
,~ and there are also several girls who feel very disconnected from the social connections in school. Some of my friends have shared that they don't have a friend or haven't really had a close friend, someone that they can really lean on or go to when there's something good or bad going on in their life.~
~, having unhealthy friendships or not having enough connection can impact our self esteem and overall sense of self.~
~Or a feeling that something is missing in your life, which leads off, which can often lead to our daughters feeling depressed, lonely, lonely, lonely.~
~And different, ~ ~which can often lead to our daughters feeling alone, different, or even depressed,~
~ ~Not having others in your life to support and encourage you can lead to a lack of self confidence or a lack of belief in your ability to succeed at things. And this in turn will reduce your willingness to take risks and face challenges and to try new things and step out of your comfort zone to meet new people because you don't believe in yourself or your ability to attract new and different connections.
So how your daughter sees herself is so important.
First accepting that it's okay to be sad, but it's important that we don't stay stuck there. Acknowledging your [00:03:00] feelings , instead of trying to push them away. You can journal about your thoughts, you can talk to a trusted adult, or even write a letter to a friend without sending it as a way to process what you're feeling. But remind yourself that looking back too much can prevent you from seeing what's ahead.
The next thing that we also need to do is we need to challenge the thoughts that are holding us back. Your daughter might be thinking to herself, " I'll never find another friend like that person", or "Nobody will want to be friends with me." When we say these statements or think these statements, we start to believe them.
Instead we need to shift our mindset and that may sound like "I don't have the right friends yet, but they are out there and I'm going to find them." And reminding ourselves that friendships don't happen overnight.
And just because you don't have the connection you want right now, doesn't mean it won't happen.
So let's, look for small openings to connect with others. [00:04:00] Start by saying "hi" to someone new, sitting next to a different classmate, joining different conversations instead of waiting for someone to invite you.
~One of my dear friends gave me a framed quote when I was going through a change. I was moving from one job to another. One of my dear friends gave me a, ~ , I have a framed quote from a dear friend that is the perfect quote If you're going through a friendship loss or you're looking at making new connections.
"When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." Friendships take time, and I know when we feel lonely, we focus on that feeling of loneliness.
And that makes us feel even more alone. So we have to start to look at the new opportunities, the different people that are around us. Stop looking so regretfully at the friend group that has moved on. They are not a good fit because they're not seeing the beauty and the uniqueness in you any longer.
And so we [00:05:00] need to move on from that negativity. We want to surround ourselves with people who genuinely care about us and want to spend time with us. So if there are people who no longer want to spend time with you, it is time for you to move on and find your new tribe of friends.
Friendships don't always begin with deep conversations. They start with a simple shared moment, a laugh, a simple, "Hey, how was your weekend?"
And then we need to make sure that we are in the right spaces to meet new people. Joining a club, a community activity, a group, a course that you're interested in, a volunteer opportunity. These all provide a chance to meet people who share similar interests. ~This can be a sports team, something in.~
~It could ~ I have two online communities for girls. I have the brave girl tribe for my girls in fifth to eighth grade. And then I have the high school girls support group for my girls in high school.[00:06:00]
These are safe places where your daughter can share and talk and gain the skills she needs for all of life's challenges, while also connecting with other girls. And the nice thing is it's girls from all over the world.
So it's very unlikely that there will be someone from your daughter's school in the group. And this is nice, because it gives her anonymity, but it also gives her connection to people who understand and probably experience some of the same challenges that your daughter's going through.
If your daughter doesn't know where to start. Encourage her to think about something that she enjoys or wants to learn more about. Being in these spaces where she naturally may feel comfortable or curious can make it easier for her to talk to people. Think of friendships like planting seeds. Some will grow quickly and some take longer, but the key is to keep planting and watering and taking care of those connections.
And it's so important for [00:07:00] you to be the friend you want to have. Instead of focusing only on "who will be my friend?"
Think about how you can be a friend to others. If you see someone else sitting alone, invite them to join you. If you notice someone struggling, offer a kind word.
We often make the mistake in assuming that people are already connected to other friend groups or that there isn't room for us in existing friend groups. Don't let these beliefs stop you from connecting with other people The one thing that may also be holding you back is the fear of rejection. The reality is not everyone is going to be your friend and that's okay. We don't want everyone ~to want ~to be our friend, but the more that you put yourself out there, the greater the chances that you're going to find the right people for you.
If something doesn't work out with one person or with a group, keep going. The right friends will come.
I know that feeling [00:08:00] alone is one of the hardest experiences, but it's also something that everybody goes through.
The important thing to remember is that feelings are temporary and it does not define you.
Please know that there are new friendships and connections that are waiting for you and you're absolutely worthy of them.
I want you to take one small step tomorrow, and I want you to think what is one way that you can put yourself out there, even if it is in the smallest way. ~Who can you say hi to, who is someone that you can say, ~Who is someone that you can say "hi" to?
Is there a new group that you can join? Are there some classes that you could look at in your community? Or simply remind yourself daily that there are better friendships ahead.
If you or your daughter need support in helping her find new connections, please reach out. I offer individual coaching, but I also have different resources to support her. I have two wonderful online membership programs for my middle school and high [00:09:00] school girls.
~I have a course for my middle school girls. And then I have, ~ and then I have the new Beyond The Drama: How To Support Your Daughter Through Friendship Challenges course for parents. If this information was helpful for you, please give it a thumbs up and make sure that you're subscribed. ~ You can share it with, and ~And I would be honored if you shared it with other friends.
Please know that you are not alone and that new friendships are just around the corner. If there's any way that I can help support you, please feel free to send me an email to [email protected] Continue to live life bravely, sweet friends, and I can't wait to see you in the next one.
Take care.
