The Brave Girl Blog Navigating Friendship Challenges and Confidence

Has your daughter ever come home in tears because of a friend who is acting mean, especially through passive-aggressive actions directed toward her?

This is a common theme that members of The Brave Girl Tribe frequently discuss during our calls, and it's also a challenge faced by many of my individual coaching clients.

Understanding and dealing with mean behavior can be perplexing and distressing for both parents and daughters. In this blog we'll dive into what passive-aggressive behavior really is, recognize the signs, and explore strategies to support your daughter through these challenging interactions.

This behavior might manifest as comments that seem polite on the surface but carry a hurtful undertone, or actions that appear cooperative but actually disrupt or delay outcomes. For example, it might look like giving a compliment that also sounds like a criticism, or agreeing to help with a school project but then procrastinating so much that it becomes unhelpful.

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As our kids return to school, the excitement of reuniting with friends often comes mixed with anxieties about past conflicts and evolving social dynamics. It's normal for daughters to worry about questions like:

• "Is my friend still mad about that huge mix-up we had last year? I hope it’s not weird between us now."
• "Did my friends hang out a lot without me this summer? What if they’re not that into me anymore?"
• "What if I don’t have any classes or even lunch with my friends? That would totally suck."
• "Are my friends still caught up in all that drama from last year? I really don’t want to deal with more of them hating on each other."

These concerns can transform into nighttime worries, making it difficult for girls to sleep and start the school year with confidence.

To help manage these fears, it's crucial we teach our daughters how to control negative thoughts. Understanding the 9 Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) and how to counteract them with...

As I approached the start of 8th grade, my family moved to a new town several states away from where I had grown up. That summer, I was buzzing with dreams of becoming popular at my new middle school. Many girls envision returning to school and suddenly finding themselves part of the popular group. However, we often discover that reality doesn't live up to the lofty hopes and dreams we nurture over the summer.

This past weekend in The Brave Girl Tribe, the girls shared their own stories about friends who have left them behind for the more popular group. It’s a common experience, but that doesn’t make it any less challenging.

Understanding the different types of popularity and how perceptions change from the tween to teen years can help us better support our daughters. Let's explore these concepts and practical strategies to guide our girls in navigating their social worlds.

Types of Popularity

Research focuses on two different types of popularity: Status-Based Popularity...

Summer should be a time of joy and freedom, yet it often brings unique social challenges, especially for our girls.

Many parents have reached out to me this summer seeking advice on supporting their daughters who are navigating social hurdles. These girls are anxious about encountering their ex-best friends at summer gatherings, feel discouraged from participating in activities due to 'Mean Girls' at camp or work, and struggle with feelings of isolation because they aren't in the popular group.

I understand how tough it can be to see your daughter come home in tears with you left wondering, "Why is this happening to my daughter? How can I ease her pain?"

While these situations are undoubtedly challenging, they also provide invaluable opportunities to develop resilience and confidence.

 Validating Experiences and Finding Solutions

As parents, it's crucial to acknowledge and validate your daughter's feelings when she faces social challenges. A simple acknowledgment can go a long...

I want to share a simple yet powerful guideline that can help our daughters become more thoughtful in their daily interactions. This insight, known as the '30-Second Rule,' comes from Ms. Natalie Ringold, a 4th-grade teacher who shares her wisdom on Instagram under the handle @always.upper.elementary. Through a compelling Instagram Reel, Ms. Ringold introduces us to this valuable concept, encouraging kindness and thoughtfulness in everyday moments.

The "30-Second Rule" is a simple yet effective guideline that can greatly improve social interactions: If someone can't change something about themselves in 30 seconds or less, then it's not something that should be pointed out.
For example, if someone has spinach in their teeth or a tag sticking out of their shirt—go ahead and tell them quietly. These are helpful comments because they can quickly rectify the issue. However, critiquing someone’s outfit, their body shape, color or texture of their hair, or any other aspect that...

I hope this message finds you well as the school year winds down. Being a parent can be hard, especially during these demanding months. How are you and your daughter doing? I genuinely want to know!

Parenting a tween or teen can feel like a constant struggle, particularly with the social dynamics they face. If this school year has been tough and you're both feeling drained, you’re not alone. Many parents feel overwhelmed by the drama and emotional turbulence that their daughters endure.

To support you both, I’d like to introduce you to the lessons in the parent section of the "Survive and Thrive in Middle School" course. This resource is designed to help you and your daughter navigate these crucial years confidently.

You and your daughter have the strength to rise above the challenges, and things will get better. With the right tools and resources, the journey can be a bit easier. Here are the topics in the parent section of Survive and Thrive in Middle School that will...

Today, I am thrilled to share something very close to my heart—the launch of our Survive and Thrive in Middle School Course  for both parents and daughters. But before I dive into the details, I'd like to take a moment to tell you a story about how this course came to life.

Last July, I set out to transform the guidance and strategies I’ve shared with middle school girls in my groups into something bigger—a comprehensive course. What started as a simple idea quickly turned into a passionate labor of love. But I'll be honest, this journey hasn't been without its challenges. It also became a personal battle with my own perfectionism and imposter syndrome. Every step of creating this course forced me to confront these challenges, pushing me to grow alongside the very lessons I aimed to teach.

Today, I am excited to introduce Survive and Thrive in Middle School Course designed to empower you and your daughter during a pivotal phase of her life. This course isn't...

This week, a concerned parent shared with me a difficult situation their daughter is experiencing, which may resonate with many of you.

"My daughter was recently informed by two friends that she and her best friend are not included in their prom plans. The reason given was that the group doesn't like her best friend. Out of concern for her friend’s feelings, my daughter has chosen not to share this reason with her. She confessed to feeling deeply hurt by what she considered her closest group of friends. My daughter is conflicted about encouraging her best friend to find someone else to go to prom with and seeing if she could still join the larger group. She’s upset about missing out on the group activities, especially the large group pictures at prom. She’s starting to suspect that the group's issue with her best friend might actually be a pretext for excluding her as well. Seeing her so affected by this situation leaves me unsure about the best way to support her...

It can be so hard for our daughters to navigate through the ending of a friendship.

Recently, a client shared her struggles with the ending of a friendship. This young girl finds herself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions: grief, anger, frustration, and confusion, all while sharing a classroom with someone she once called her best friend (If your daughter is feeling intense emotions but has a hard time naming them, download my Feeling Wheel - (Download now.)

Each day brings challenges for my client, from interpreting sidelong glances to understanding the shifting dynamics of recess alliances. It's as if an invisible line has been drawn in the classroom, dividing former friends and compelling my client to feel she must rally others to her side in a silent battle for companionship.

Similarly, many teens experience the fallout of friendships within their broader social circles, leaving them to navigate the delicate balance of still being in a larger group with someone they are...

This past week has been filled with enriching experiences aimed at fostering a supportive environment for our children and students. I had the privilege of participating in various workshops and presentations emphasizing the importance of nurturing positive relationships and addressing anxiety in our young ones.

I had the honor of attending the SPACE Workshop led by Dr. Eli Lebowitz. This course provided invaluable insights into supporting parents in guiding their anxious children. It reinforced the significance of communication and instilling confidence in our children to navigate life's challenges. I am excited to apply the lessons I learned to the parents and girls that I support.

Next, I was honored to conduct Staff Development Training at Fairview Elementary via Zoom for all their amazing teachers and staff. My presentation focused on "Supporting Positive Friendships in the Classroom." It was heartening to see educators coming together to address the nuances of relational...